Complete Bastard

BLOOOOOG! How u been?

Seem like foreeeeeever since we last tlked. Bra. Kay, mybe/few weeks, but u no me, lol, I'm juz SO cr8zee w/tym, lmfao.

Okay, enough of that shit. Sorry, I'm bereft of any better ideas. OU's students are coming back this week, and school starts up next Tuesday, so I'm trying to hip-up my blog to appeal to their largely illiterate sensibilities. My new job is going pretty well, but my boss is pretending that she or he is going to have to dick me out of my requested hours. If that's the case, I'm not super concerned, so long as I'm pulling down at least 15 per week.

That said, this week she or he is training a bunch of new people he or she can't afford to employ, and, since I'm struggling to take care of my side of rent, while balancing my parental duties, and I'm least qualified to work mornings. Never mind the fact I'm a college graduate with a solid resume, service industry experience and regularly published writings. Not that I was hired based on a resume, or even an application, for that matter. I refuse to directly name my employer or company, as I like to be nice about these things. Also, the economy is Goddamn atrocious. That said, I'm two weeks into this job and already feeling dead inside coming away from it on a daily basis. That's a world record if you ask me. (Editor's Note: See The Bottom For A Semi Resolution To This Choppy Bout of Whining)

As for my non-stop gap jobs,

On the writing side of things, I'm pulling down some ambitious hours for DVD Verdict this week. Last night was 2 1/2 hours of iCarly episodes, as accompanied by my step son (we'll call him Leonard for the sake of anonymity). Leonard is the biggest iCarly fan you can find, and even he was starting to break after the first hour. The marathon slowly devolved into something bordering on punishment, leaving him grumpy and wanting his DS before it was all over. Still, I've sat through worse kids shows, and worse DVDs for the site (despite being a few weeks into my career), so it wasn't that bad. I'm coming up on a massive WWE review for the site which will have me watching three hours of wrestling per day to meet my deadline. I'm not sure if I can do it, but my ladyfriend, we'll call her Hi-May, has challenged, and I refuse to deny her acceptance. I'm a Goddamned sucker like that.

Screenwriting-wise, I'm still grinding away on the fourth draft of my slasher script, attempting to push it beyond the storytelling boundaries of the formula without taking it so far out it stops feeling like a slasher film. I was hoping to be done by the end of the month, but the end of NEXT month seems like a good enough goal at this point. I try to work on it at least 30 minutes a day, but with my brain its hard to stay focused. I blame the caffeine, and the fact that I get bored easily. I also blame this on my nymphomania (j/k lol omg!).

Inspiration wise, I'm reading through various back issues of Videoscope magazine and am also diving into a collection of Stephen King writing essays (not On Writing, which I've read four times now- this one's cherry picked over the 80s, 90s, and today, like top 40 radio). Watching wise, I'm still finding a great deal of comfort in old episodes of King of the Hill streamed from Netflix. I still say its the most sharply written, character-driven animated sitcom ever, and the best thing Mike Judge or Greg Daniels will ever do.

I'm also pondering trying my hand at stand-up comedy, something I've always felt semi-suited for, but have been hesitant to tackle based on, well, how creatively thin I spread myself in other arenas. I'm actually making lists of material. I think the fact my job is pissing me off so much helps. There's a lot of material there that needs vocalization outside of me bitching at my friends and family.

TTFN

Harry (Like The New Pseudonym?)

POST SCRIPT:

I actually just went and talked to my boss after posting this, and we quite reasonably worked things out. Apparently there was a three-fisted combination of inter-office paranoia stemmed by water cooler gossip, mis-communication between myself and the big cheese, as well as some semi-deceitful, psychological torture occurring between certain slop jockeys. I don't feel totally great about it (I won't until it all gets settled down for the remainder of the quarter), but I feel much better about it in comparison to the apocalyptic nadir of the above post. That's all I can ask for. The lesson: talking reasonably to someone is more constructive than planning over-elaborate, fictitious revenge plots in your head. Plus, I don't think they even make Easy Bake Ovens that big anyway.

Yours ridiculously,

Harry Lime

Quick Question...

Which comes first: boredom or depression? I can't tell anymore, either, but I'm sure as hell not going to succumb to one or the other. Though somehow I really feel like settling into both. No! Shut up, head! Don't do that shit to me! Time to put things into perspective.

I finally notecarded my script out. I'm doing this because I feel like the structure is somewhat pedestrian and I'm looking to fill holes in my story. Its amazing how changing one character will alter a theme completely. I'm trying not to mess with my setpieces too much, as I feel like those are about as good as they're going to get. But character, dialogue, tone, and texture need some perfecting. I'm writing a summer camp slasher movie, in case you were wondering, and while it is a genre whose expectations were met with the original Friday the 13th (hell, the whole damn series is pretty great), I am trying to write THE BEST SUMMER CAMP SLASHER FILM EVER. The fucking Godfather of summer camp slasher movies. If you're interested in reading it at some point (I got that copyright in place, bitches) and you're my pal I'll send you the finished product when I finish it.

My goal is to have it festival ready by the fall. That was my goal last year, but, after getting some outside coverage and over a year's worth of hindsight, I find myself wanting to improve it. After this fall, though, I'll probably leave it as is for an extended stretch of time. I don't want to Orson Welles this thing, which is tempting, but sooner or later I have to give my time to other projects. One script just won't cut it.

In non-writing related news, the week's come to an end, finally and I'm going to celebrate by continuing to work on my screenplay and watching some old movies. Not to mention spending some time with my biggest fan tomorrow, before he's whisked off to have a weekend of his own. What surprises will be in store? Probably Legos and funny voices. Not that I'm bothered by that.

Tangential topic: Is it just me, or is coffee barista-ing the sexiest job in the world? I feel like James Bond behind that counter, and every other lady ordering has credit cards labeled "Xenia Onatopp" and "Honey Goodswallow" (I can't think of another Bond lady so I'm fudging that one a bit). Not to mention the older Dame Judi Dench-s that enjoy getting their decaf on. Your nerves are sensitive-- I have that affect on the ladies. Grrrowl.

Weird personal topic: I'm entering that weird mental zone where I really want people to take me seriously as a badass, but am counteracted by my own funny personality. I imagine most guys get into this place, as, well, no one is ever really satisfied by what they bring to the party. That's why I've taken up bike riding. Nothing is more badass than a guy on a bicycle. Take that, The Expendables.

Wanting to mix it up topic: I'm tired of writing this now. I'm sort of tired of writing in general. A part of me wants to just go out and SHOOT something. My cameras (I have four of them) are gathering dust. Greg should be back soon, which will mean the return of Greg and Satan as well as our comic book project. Perhaps these will scratch my itch?

That's it. In the words of Joss Whedon, the Bob Dylan of UPN vampire musicals, let me rest in piece.

Inspirato

Blog,

I'm tired after half a week of work and, struttin' that ass around town, and related stress, not to mention working halfway through a fourthish draft revision. So, in order to keep my sanity and project my personality on to you, allow me to rattle off a series of websites that continue to inspire me to keep on truckin'.

1. Trailers From Hell is an amazing website featuring running commentary for all sorts of nifty vintage trailers. It spans virtually all genres, but with a special emphasis on classic film and horror/scifi chicanery. My favorite contributors include Josh Olson (A History of Violence), Edgar Wright (Scott Pilgrim), Guillermo Del Toro and Larry Cohen. Not all commentaries are created equal, but these are pretty damn awesome.

2. DVD Verdict- Yes, I'm currently a contributor, but beyond my (barely) respectable collection of reviews lies superstar contributors the likes of Dave Johnson, Mac MCentire, Clark Douglas, and Erich Asperschlager, among other wonderfully talented writers. I've been following the site since 1999, so its great to finally be apart of it, but even if I wasn't, I'd still be following it. Its a wonderfully thorough site with a great cache of podcasts I highly recommend to anyone who likes film, DVDs, games, or television.

3. Filmically Perfect is a super neat site co-maintained by Coen brothers storyboard artist J. Todd Anderson. The main attraction is their podcast (which I'm about to sample), but there's all sorts of nifty storyboard examples, movie list, and related goodies.

4. The Treatment is a podcasted NPR show hosted by film critic extraordinaire Elvis Mitchell. The show features interviews with directors, screenwriters and actors as diverse as Ridley Scott, the Coen Brothers, Bobcat Goldthwait, Chris Nolan, Wes Anderson, and Lloyd Kaufman. At a tidy thirty minutes each, they should fit nicely into your listening schedule.

5. Criterion is not only home to the most expensive art house DVDs freakin' ever, but also is home to some super neato lists and essays by artists and filmmakers like Diablo Cody (one of the most unique writing voices of the new century whose backlash is wholly uncalled for), Rian Johnson (director of Brick), and Steve Buscemi. Not only that, but the teenager in me loves drooling over the kind of pure digital heroin he'll likely never to be able afford. This speaks to the nerdiness of my teenage years.

That's pretty much it. Tired from work, tired of working on my script, so I'm heading home. Enjoy and explore the links, I'm sure there will be more to come.

Skeleton Frame

Obligatory "I know its been a while..." apology. Self-effacing joke. Stylistic flourish!

Explanations (one paragraph a piece):

1. New Job

2. Revising screenplay

3. New exercise regime (biking + running)

4. Sick (sinus infection)

5. DVD Verdict Reviewing

Self effacing joke. Discussion of aspirations for coming months without referencing how you ignored all your goals laid down in last blog. Downplay narcissism and self loathing. Name drop Jayme Russell and Ashley Cowger's blogging. Friendly competition? (Not at fucking all). Hint at Barista job, but don't come out and say it forthright. Random Jurassic Park reference! Greg and Satan coming soon? School starts up soon. Random Michael Keaton reference! Toy Story 3 and the Other Guys- good. Need to see Expendables and Scott Pilgrim. Hot Fuzz reference!

Half-hearted joke about rushed blog,

Harry Lime